Once you’ve worked in a few offices, you start to get a strange sense of déjà vu.
You find yourself meeting the same kinds of people and having the same conversations, over and over again. It’s like Groundhog Day, but in cubicles.
Here are the eight types of people you’ll find in every office.
1. The busy bee
Busy bees love to let everyone know how busy they are, often as a cover for not being busy. Which, if you actually have stuff to do, will make you grind your teeth.
They’ll usually do this proactively, but if you do happen to get the first word in or ask how they’re going, their response will almost certainly be ‘manic’ or ‘flat-out’, despite having an empty inbox and a yoga mat under their arm.
2. The dark horse
In day-to-day office life, dark horses are quiet, unassuming and basically fade into the wallpaper. But at office functions they come alive.
After a couple of beverages of choice, they’re suddenly the life of the party; cracking jokes, shouting rounds and bantering with the boss. And by the time they’re salsa dancing with the boss’s partner in front of the whole office, you can’t help but wonder: who is this person?
The thing is, it doesn’t matter. Come Monday morning it will be like nothing ever happened. As you were, dark horse.
3. The smooth-talking sales rep
Impeccably dressed with a booming voice and a distinct strut, this smooth talker lights up the office whenever they’re around, which is never, because they’re always in meetings.
Rarely spotted doing any actual work, their speech is littered with Glengarry Glen Ross references and phrases like ‘two-pronged approach’, and they’re constantly on the hunt for leads or checking the sports scores on their work-issued iPad.
4. The David Brent
Every office has that person for whom social norms do not apply, who can cause offence in any situation and you never want to get stuck talking to over drinks.
Heaven help you if it’s the boss or you’re sitting next to them. That said, if you can find a like-minded mate in the office to stir Brent’s pot, this person could be the best part of your day.
5. The walking cliché
Cliché’s like to think outside the box to achieve synergies, and won’t move forward on the road map without a deep dive into the data.
They have an incredible ability to speak for extended periods of time without saying anything at all, often through liberal use of sports metaphors, acronyms and jargon.
Pro tip: print out a free bullshit bingo card before your next strategic review meeting for a bit of fun and to avoid ‘dropping the ball’ by falling asleep.
6. The nine to fiver
Nine to fivers know their rights, and boy do they exercise them.
They fulfil their contracted hours to the second, and a stretch target involves touching their toes, not taking on an extra project.
Other skills include reciting the terms of their contract from memory, and knowing how much leave they have available down to the minute.
7. The Leslie Knope
A dedicated over achiever, this upbeat, switched on, motivated individual is the bane of everybody else’s existence.
They love procedures, hierarchy and round table discussions, and truly believe that what they’re doing is right.
The phrase ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ absolutely does not apply to a Knope, as unless you were born that way it’s simply not possible to have that much enthusiasm for whatever it is that you do.
8. The party animal
Young, single and ready to mingle, ‘school night’ is not a term the party animal understands.
They don’t see anything wrong with ordering another round at 2am on a Wednesday morning or getting in a solid Sunday session before the week begins.
You can pick these weekday warriors by the empty painkillers and Barocca tubes littered around their desks, and their tendancy to arrive in the same clothes they wore yesterday smelling like a wheelie bin.
Wife of Rivers State Governor, Justice Suzzette Nyesom-Wike has stated that investing in the lives of less privileged children and the physically challenged would engender greater development as more people would be equipped to contribute to societal growth.
According to the Special Assistant to the Rivers State Governor, Electronic Media, Simeon Nwakaudu, Mrs Nyesom-Wike spoke on Monday in Port Harcourt during her visits to ‘The Child’ Special School, Home for the Elderly and the Port Harcourt Children Home as part of activities to commemorate the 2016 International Women’s Day Celebration.
She noted that providing quality education to children with special needs will equip them with the right skills to live productive lives.
According to her, the state government will continue to support institutions that cater for children with special needs as that is the best way for the society.
She said: “These children must have their childhood protected so that they can contribute meaningfully to societal development in future”.
At the home for the elderly, Justice Suzzette Nyesom-Wike stated that there should be constant respect and compassion for those who have dutifully served the society so that they can live the rest of their lives gracefully.
Responding at The Child Special School, Reverend Sister Sylvia Anyanwu said that the school is a project of the Catholic Diocese of Port Harcourt aimed educating children with intellectual disabilities especially those living with down’s syndrome, cerebral palsy, autism and other crippling disabilities.
At the home of the elderly, Reverend Sister Mary-Jane Raphael Agubosi said the home improves lives of the elderly who are facing significant physical, psychological and dementia challenges.
Highpoint of the visits to the homes was the presentation of monetary and food gifts by the Wife of the Rivers State Governor.
The inmates of the homes also rendered songs to the delight of the wife of the governor and her entourage.
The governor was accompanied to the homes by wives of political appointees and elected officials in the state.
Africa’s richest man, Aliko Dangote, says Nigeria’s economic reality is being exaggerated and is not as bad as it is being portrayed. Dangote said this while speaking at the Economist Forum in Lagos, yesterday March 7th.
The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) today March 7, arraigned one Bolaji Quadri (aka Philip Coffert) before honorable Justice Oluwatoyin Ipaye of the Lagos State High Court on a 6-count charge of forgery and obtaining money under false pretence.
The defendant allegedly duped one Raedeena Collins of the sum of $1000 by falsely claiming to be on Phillips Coffert. At the point of his arrest, several fraudulent documents were found in his possession including forged cashier’s cheque from international banks in both United States and United Kingdom.
The Manchester United captain who is currently recuperating in Dubai from a knee injury was spotted playing with an adult tiger while wearing a knee brace. He was also pictured with a giraffe
A young medical doctor identified as Yakubu Gana directing traffic this morning in Lagos. Nice one!
SportsWear manufacturing giant Nike have suspended Maria Sharapova's $50m deal after the Russian athlete admitted to using a banned drug. The WTA ranked World No. 7 admitted in her press conference yesterday that she had been using performance enhancer drug meldonium for the last 10 years as part of a doctor's prescription for health issues and didn't know it was banned by the World Anti-Doping Agency in December.